Wednesday, March 19, 2008

In Which You Are Entertained By My Dad

I am so proud of my dad.

A few years ago his head would have exploded if someone were to ask him to send an email, and now he is an email whiz. Not only that, but he's a communication junkie; I get more text messages from my dad than ANYBODY. Sometimes he gets in trouble for sending, um... questionable text messages with his company phone. (Follow the link at your own risk!) Did I mention he is an Administrative Pastor at a Southern Baptist Church?


Dad & Eli building castles in the sand last Fall Break. Mom's in the background.

One thing Dad really enjoys is forwarding jokes and anecdotes he receives in his inbox to friends and family. Most have been forwarded to him by his coworkers and have been circulating email accounts across the globe.
Today, for your blogging entertainment, I would like to share with you some of his greatest hits...

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Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one."


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MY PIGGY BANK AFTER FILLING MY CAR WITH GAS and BUYING GROCERIES YESTERDAY!!

Skinny Pig


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Subject: obama with a twist


HOW DO YOU GET AUBURN FANS NOT TO VOTE FOR OBAMA?


... PUT A 'G' IN FRONT OF HIS NAME!


GOBAMA!

Roll Tide Roll..

**It is important to note here that my dad's politics completely cancel out my own. He knows Obama is my secret boyfriend and loves to send me anti-Obama stuff. I remember he commented one election day, "So, who are you voting for so I can vote the opposite. Despite these chasm-like politial differences of opinion, we get along great.


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Subject: The husband store....

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice," she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives Store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


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Love you, Dad!
and your corny emails
even though they make my spam filter burst into flames

3 comments:

Oh, The Joys said...

My Ady (grandfather) used to send me all the same stuff. Kind of endearing when you know where it all comes from.

Amy said...

Those are great!! Love the tampons one, very cute!

MCmommy said...

Wait a minute...OBAMA IS YOUR SECRET BOYFRIEND??!! I'm a little upset here...because I thought he was MINE! Don't you know I'm an ObamaMama?!! :)

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