Friday, August 22, 2008

It Takes a Village

WANTED: One Village to lend advice on the following:

How to discipline a 3 year old when repeatedly caught lying and not make him feel he is being punished for telling the truth.

What to do when your 2 year old always LAUGHS at you when he is sent to Time Out. He still does the time, but somehow doesn't seem affected by the punishment. Also - how not to lose your cool when this happens.

When to start giving a 3 year old regular responsibilities/chores around the house.

Seriously folks. I need your input. How do you handle these issues at your house? Leave me a comment with your suggestions and hopefully one of you can share an idea I haven't tried yet.

And, books! Send me book titles to try! I seem to have lost my Manual to these things....


Anonymous said...

Gosh darn, if I don't have an answer to any of those three questions. It is always so difficult to say when you don't know the child.

But, omg! I have seen the pregnancy version of the baby manual and died reading it. This one had the same effect. Thanks for sharing.

Sarah Lena said...

Question 1: we had this same problem with Jack when he was four. The essential part proved to be the explanation (and proof!) that you cannot ever tell a lie and NOT get caught. Every action we do causes a reaction, and those usually involve other people. So you can SAY something happened, but it takes a witness to verify it. (This was after several prinicpal's office visits.)

And the baby manual kills me. EVERY. TIME. Also, the Pregnancy Manual is how I told Bryan we were expecting.

jennydecki said...

1. I lie to her. She'll show me a pig and say it's a pig and I'll say it's a cow. She catches on and says, "Mommy, don't lie, it makes my head hurt." Since we've done that her lying has dropped like a rock.

2. Squirt Gun + Ice water = Fun for you and not for the kid.

3. My 2 & 3 year old girls clean up all their toys every night before bed. The 3 year old cleans the dishes off the table after her and her sister have lunch. Short answer: Now! That way they never remember it being different :)

The White House said...

BookMamma, I don't think you want my advice. I was looking through those little pics at the bottom and I am about 50/50 oops on those. Just kidding. I am really working on my post that you tagged me with. I promise. I will get it up this weekend... thanks for tagging me btw.

The White House said...

Oh, as far as chores. I have Avery (three) make my bed. Because she loves it. And I hate it. She also helps me with dinner and washes the dishes. And mops the floors, and cleans the toilets. Just kidding about the last two.

Luckymom said...

1. When one of the kids does something wrong, but tells the truth about it, they get in less trouble than if they lied. "You've been told to never, ever play with my cell phone, but thank you for telling the truth." Sometimes they will incur a punishment immediately for what they did wrong, and then later I may give them something special (ex. extra dessert) and make sure to say, "This is for being such a good boy today and telling the truth."

2. This happened a lot with our boys. We had to swap around punishments until we found something that they really cared about. Putting a favorite toy into timeout sometimes worked, or even better, having them miss out on something fun they wanted to do.

3. Buy small laundry baskets for each of them and let them carry their laundry to their rooms. Even our 2.5 year old can do this and our 4-year-old can fold all of his own (except overalls, those are a little tricky!). Also, they all help clean-up their toys.

3boys247 said...

When I am feeling overwhelmed with the testosterone I pick up my favorite book, Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph. I think every mother of sons should have one.

1. We tell thme they will never be in trouble for telling the truth. Then if it is really bad, help them understand why.

I used to tell them I had a video camera and could go rewind the tape and see what the true story was, but really that was just lying to them. It did work though until Carter said, why don't you just go rewind the tape mom.

McMommy said...

Ok, so in regards to #2...your question--not pooping, silly....I have the exact same problem with Carter.

I used to have the same problem with Matty until instead of timeout, I started taking away things that he LOVED. For example, if he did something wrong, I warned him if he did it again, he would take away all his airplanes for the day.

When he did it again, just to see if I would do it....I did. It's a major PITA to have to collect all those damn things but let me tell you....HE BAWLS. He totally "gets it" now. So all I have to do is warn him and he listens.

I would do the same with Carter, but at 18 months, he doesn't understand yet.

Name: The Bryant Family said...

I love anything by John Rosemond.

Not sure about the chores thing. But Wren picks up her toys and takes her dishes to sink after meals.

Carol said...

Question 1: We have yet to deal with this, hope to remain that way. Our 3 year old is stupidly honest at this point.

Question 2: Our two year old is the exact same way. So now his crib is his naughty spot and apparently that is not a laughing matter. He definitely feels sorry for himself when he gets put in there. The laughing was driving me crazy. I actually think I had steam coming out of my ears.

Shannon said...

Let me tell ya, I've read ALL the books. All of them. There are days I truly don't think I have a clue what I'm doing, so I order MORE books.

Most of them are useless, but my new current fav is "Negotiation Generation: Take Back Your Parental Authority Without Punishment" by Lynne Reeves Griffin - she has a website too. It's one of the first books that my husband and I both agree we like.

The lying thing is tough - I think it just gets better over time. I try to explain to Pete (4 years) that lying is so much worse than doing something wrong, and that he will be punished TWICE if he lies on top of misbehaving. Three is a bit young to "get it" but I bet in the coming months he you'll see a difference. Not that Pete doesn't still lie, but he is more aware it is wrong, does it less, and is so obvious I always call him on it.

David, the 2 year old ALWAYS laughs his ass off in time out. I try to keep a straight face, be firm, and be consistent. If you do X, you get a time out. You stay there for 2 minutes, and then you come back. I try to ignore his laughing and remain firm/stern. Yeah, whatever, that works half the time and the rest of the time I end up yelling or crying, or a pleasant combination of both.

Give a three year old chores NOW. Start with something small, b/c when he turns four it will get better - i.e. you can be stricter with "you can't do X until Y is finished". They will complain, but they will REALLY do it. Our new thing is no Wii until toys are cleaned up. It's freaking genius b/c the four year old loves the Wii more than his mommy and daddy do ;-)

Hang in there - boys are tough but I think (have been told) it all pays off in the long run and will get easier as they get older.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

For lies--I always tell them the punishment will be much easier if they tell the truth because I ALWAYS find out ;)

I just loved that manual--esp. the babysitter :)

AmySandy said...

So, um, I don't have answers for you. In fact, I'm cheating off your paper here, because my boys do the same thing.

Oh, and I love the new look. And the Feedburner thing sounds great. But I tried to subscribe to yours and I got some message about your blog not being set up for email subscriptions.

Technology makes my brain hurt.

Anonymous said...

Oh Miss BookMamma...this is such a good one! It's fascinating reading what everyone has suggested, especially on the chores around the home issue. There seems to be a pretty conclusive thought "the earlier the better."

As you know, we don't have any here at the Palace, so we obviously have absolutely nothing constructive to say whatsoever, other than I *loved* the famous people post...or whatever it is called. (Excet I don't think the Gnoush (sp?) was a person, of fame or otherwise!) The shot of Michael Caine and that line was very cool.

Loved seeing Finn & Eli at the fountain after the movie. They looked so cute, it was sweet!

Grins & Giggles at you for a wonderful week,

katarinas mama said...

Hysterical!!!! The images of the baby manual...I totally need one for Preschoolers, Kindergartners and 4th graders!

Artist Unplugged said...

I go with bumping up the rewards for telling the truth. Maybe making an opportunity or two asking him something which you KNOW he will tell the truth in order to reward him........gotta keep his eye on the prize!
Now for laughing man, anything you can take away that hurts more than timeout? For you keeping your cool-always eyes on you, you must keep your cool! That manual is way too funny!

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