(Un)Apologies

I puffy heart Ira Glass and "This American Life" on NPR. I never miss a podcast. This episode, Mistakes Were Made was especially good because of its weird first half on cryogenics and its ode to the unapolegetic apology by William Carlos Williams in the second half.

Observe:
This is Just to Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

-- William Carlos Williams

Does he sound sorry to you? Did he even say sorry? He asks for forgivness when he's still fantasizing about those plums, and if you ask me, he would do it again in a heartbeat.

Apparently it is one of the most spoofed poems ever, and the segment included some of NPR's best contributors reading their own apology/unapology spoofs. Most of them were cruelly hilarious:

I chopped down the house that you had been saving to live in next summer.
I am sorry, but it was morning, and I had nothing to do
and its wooden beams were so inviting.
_____

I have pulled the
Pin from that grenade
On the desk.

Forgive me.
I thought it was
My keyring,
And

Aren't those just AWESOME??
Since I heard that episode, I've been wanting to write one of my own...

I was lying
when I said
there was no
more ice cream

I know it's
your favorite

Forgive me, but
I have been
chasing you all day

and there was
no way in hell
I am wasting
Godiva
on a three year old.

Try it. It's addictive.
If you get really inspired, leave some in the comments!